When I Get Asked "The" Question
"So, uh, what do you do for fun?"
I can't even tell you how many times I've been asked this question. It's usually met with a blank stare and a scrambled answer that resembles something along the lines of "I like to read!"
While it's true that I do enjoy a good book even more than Americans love a good British drama, the idea of fun itself is rather foreign to me. How is this possible? Aren't young people fun by nature? Let me explain:
You see, I live in a quite serious world. Taking twenty plus medications is hard to laugh off, even if I do make some pretty rad pill art. It's an hourly reminder of the flaws my body has. Each morning when I wake up, I have to take a heart medication. That means that each morning I'm reminded of the fact that my heart is in danger if I forget my medication. Before every meal, I have to take a medication to help my stomach empty. It's a slap in the face that, without my medication, my stomach is paralyzed and unable to work. It's a reminder that one day, when I am no longer able to take this short term solution of a pill, I will be faced with unpleasant options such as feeding tubes or parental nutrition.
Telling me that having one's potassium drop to a critical level, placing one at risk for cardiac arrest screams fun is just about as crooked as a barrel of snakes (in other words, no. Just no). The constant fear of it dipping again and knowing what could happen if it does makes having a good time difficult. The same is true for my blood pressure. I never know when it will plummet, causing me to pass out. This lack of stability is hard to live with, let alone have fun with.
The point I'm trying to make is that the chronic illness life is the opposite of fun. It's actually a bit of a fun-sponge. So when people ask me what I do for fun, I have no answer for them.
The question is, how do we embrace our lives, flaws and all, and have some fun despite the difficult roads we journey? I'm going to be honest with you. For me right now, I don't have an answer to that question. I am confident, however, that I will one day; when I do you can bet your bottom dollar I'll share it with you.