What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Sick
I remember the day like it was yesterday. June 22nd. My diagnosis day. I had been in and out of emergency rooms for weeks. I had spent hours at doctor offices. The months before I had been progressively becoming more ill, getting more pain, eating less. And then I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease.
Crohn’s disease is an Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD), a chronic and incurable illness where my immune system attacks my digestive system. This causes many symptoms such as pain, malnutrition, ulcers, strictures, and fistulas. The only treatments for IBD are dangerous and toxic drugs or surgery, often to remove parts of the digestive system. IBD affects more than 1 million people in America alone, and it does not discriminate. In fact, the majority of IBD patients are diagnosed as children or young adults, as I was.
When I woke up from an emergency colonoscopy and heard my surgeon throwing around terms like “Inflammatory Bowel Disease” and “ostomy”, I was confused. I was scared. But it was more than that; I was sad. Sad for my ignorance. Prior to my diagnosis, I had never heard of Crohn’s disease before. I had been living in a world, ignoring people’s sufferings. Not on purpose, but I was ignoring it all the same.
One thought that now consumed my mind was how? How had I never been aware of something so serious, and so prevalent? What opportunities had I missed? Opportunities to help others. Opportunities to comfort and advocate. Opportunities to be with people who experienced such life changing sickness.
What might I have learned had I sought out people with Crohn’s disease? Everyone I met with post-diagnosis who had this illness seemed to happy, strong, and full of joy.They seemed to be able to truly enjoy life, even though there lives where so difficult and plagued with hardships. I longed to know what their secret was, how did they embrace life so fully? Sadly, it took me getting seriously ill to find out how to feel the good in life as keenly as them. I wish I had known how to experience joy completely, before I got sick. Everything I had overlooked while being healthy – all of the days filled with laughter and fun – now were remembered by regret for all that I took for granted. If there is one thing I wish I had know pre-illness, it’s to embrace life and to be grateful for everything, no matter how menial it may seem.
Now I fight so that others won’t have the same regrets that I have. I fight for awareness, for redemption, for joy. I fight to create a world where Crohn’s disease is a household word. I fight for me and for every other IBD Patient.